Singin’ it solo

January 1, 2007 at 2:05 am | Posted in moi | 2 Comments

 

Thinking about tomorrow tired from all the time I spare
On what I still believe in
When none of my talk ever seems to get me anywhere
These habits are so hard to break and they’re so easy to make
These habits are so hard to break and they’re so easy to make

– Beth Orton, “Thinking about tomorrow”

Happy New Year to me.

Tonight I am ringing in the New Year solo, in the comfort of my candlelit apartment with my cat for company. A bottle of wine, some fresh-cooked pad thai (yay me!), some dvds and a little msn chat with friends from other time zones. Candles, incense, solitude.

Solo, beautiful me.

I am celebrating me tonight.

I have wondered before – is how you spend your New Year’s Eve/moment a sign of the year to come?

Well in years past I have always felt the tag-a-long… whereas I have been single for so long, it is easy to feel like the 3rd wheel at New Years’ Eve when paired with multiple friends all of whom have partners.

This year I am asserting my independence.

Wonderful, independent me.

The brief thought flitted by that shouldn’t I be with people? Shouldn’t I be with someone? Finding a someone of my very own? Do I really want this to signal my year ahead – being alone again?

Not alone – independent.

Some might say I am fiercely so already. Living alone for the past several years, several jobs (most of which are unpaid), going to school, living across the country from my family. Too often though i have felt alone, not independent. As if this independance is only a way to hide from the fear of being alone.

This year – I am going to be independent, and embrace it.

Embrace the wonderful, beautiful, assertive, independent me.

I feel no qualms about being alone. No nagging feelings of “maybe I should’ve gone out”. No regrets. No envy of being without someone.

I feel peaceful, proud, happy.

Happy New Year.

– Artemis.

Advertisements

2 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. Artemis – That sounds like the perfect attitude. I understand completely about feeling alone in one’s independence, and also independent in one’s aloneness. That year I spent New Year’s with people and though it was a lot of fun, just b/w the two of us there were moments that I wondered if I shouldn’t be spending it just with me – if going to sleep early and doing something healthy for me wouldn’t have been just as nice. I think your New Year’s sounds cozy and wonderful. You go girl.

  2. Buttercup, I was just now reading your post about your fabulous New Year’s dinner party! And thinking how much fun it sounds like you had and how much you deserve it!!!!! I was burnt out this year from a full week of parties before Christmas – and admit was tempted for a few minutes around 1am to head out with friends on New Years’… but am glad I didn’t!

    Sounds like you had a great time though, exhausting as it was šŸ™‚ Health will be another night šŸ˜‰


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: