Mid-life crisis

October 30, 2006 at 12:54 am | Posted in moi | Leave a comment

First posted March 22nd, 2006

***

I’ve had a sudden thought that perhaps I’m having a midlife crisis lately.

I’ve always had a tendancy to take on other’s emotions. Too empathetic perhaps.

Sympathy pains? No problem? Imagined tendonitis when my friend’s have it? You bet. Anxiety for my stressed-out best friend? Definitely. Pregnancy dreams, bloating and cravings when my friend got pregnant. Of course.

My mom would’ve been 50 this year. Chances are, knowing her, she would’ve been in the throes of a mid-life crisis. She was always having a bit of a mini-life crisis. But coming up to 50 might’ve just pushed her over.

For the past few weeks I’ve been questioning everything I’ve been doing. Am I happy? Do I like the work I’m doing? Do I want to continue it? Should I do something else? Is it right for me?

Today I’m putting in my nomination forms for another year on my student union. For weeks I’d debated throwing it away, quitting the student movement, leaving it behind. Too much stress. Not enough pay. Not enough respect. Interference with my thesis. Do I really want to do this?

I’d contemplated leaving the country. Quitting school. Quitting the union. Quitting my work at the Women’s Centre. Go teach English in the Czech Republic. Become an au pair in France. Win the lottery.

But realistically, can I do any of that right now? Is it worth quitting my program when I’m more than half way through and have $20,000 of student loans because of it?

I love being busy, if I let myself admit it. I love being too busy (most of the time).

Perhaps this has been another mid-life crisis, brought forth by a 5-year anniversary of my mother’s death, by her 50th birthday today.

Empathizing what she might’ve been experiencing.

Perhaps I need to start examining what I want, not what I imagine she might’ve wanted.

Artemis.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: