Mid-life crisis?

March 22, 2006 at 12:41 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I’ve had a sudden thought that perhaps I’m having a midlife crisis lately.

I’ve always had a tendancy to take on other’s emotions. Too empathetic perhaps.

Sympathy pains? No problem? Imagined tendonitis when my friend’s have it? You bet. Anxiety for my stressed-out best friend? Definitely. Pregnancy dreams, bloating and cravings when my friend got pregnant. Of course.

My mom would’ve been 50 this year. Chances are, knowing her, she would’ve been in the throes of a mid-life crisis. She was always having a bit of a mini-life crisis. But coming up to 50 might’ve just pushed her over.

For the past few weeks I’ve been questioning everything I’ve been doing. Am I happy? Do I like the work I’m doing? Do I want to continue it? Should I do something else? Is it right for me?

Today I’m putting in my nomination forms for another year on my student union. For weeks I’d debated throwing it away, quitting the student movement, leaving it behind. Too much stress. Not enough pay. Not enough respect. Interference with my thesis. Do I really want to do this?

I’d contemplated leaving the country. Quitting school. Quitting the union. Quitting my work at the Women’s Centre. Go teach English in the Czech Republic. Become an au pair in France. Win the lottery.

But realistically, can I do any of that right now? Is it worth quitting my program when I’m more than half way through and have $20,000 of student loans because of it?

I love being busy, if I let myself admit it. I love being too busy (most of the time).

Perhaps this has been another mid-life crisis, brought forth by a 5-year anniversary of my mother’s death, by her 50th birthday today.

Empathizing what she might’ve been experiencing.

Perhaps I need to start examining what I want, not what I imagine she might’ve wanted.



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  1. You have no idea how wonderful it was to read your last two posts. I feel very much the same. Perhaps I should be e-mailing you in a more private way about this, but it feels nice to know there are others out there with similar experiences.

    On April 7 it will be 6 years since my mother died.

    I wonder many of the same things. I also find I have mid-year crisis. About twice per year I feel like a middle aged woman figuring out her life all over again. Am I happy? Should I keep at this?

    How do I reconcile not having a mother and yet being her in some way at the same time?


  2. I’ve often been in that position…wondering whether I’m satisfied with what I’m doing. It’s a good check to make sure you’re on track and that you do something significant for yourself and for others.

    But I find that my main concern is to make sure I’m happy with what I’m doing and that I’m catering to all aspects of myself. Only then can I truly benefit others who need me.

    Good luck with everything and with being so busy. It sounds like you do a lot of good, sincere work.

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